


Brothers

by moonwillow27458



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Disorder, Comfort Toy, Gen, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-03-20
Packaged: 2018-05-27 19:40:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6297559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonwillow27458/pseuds/moonwillow27458
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean finds something strange in Sam's bag; a plush dog that he's never seen before. Sam gets a bit defensive when Dean asks him about it. Truths get revealed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Brothers

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as Sam needing a comfort toy for his anxiety, because when I started it, I was mid-panic attack and didn't calm down until I got to hold my own teddy (she'd called Betsy). It turned into a very brotherly thing.
> 
> Set between 1x06-1x08. 
> 
> I know this isn't my best, but I haven't written anything in a while so I wanted to get this posted.

"Sam, what's this?" Dean called. Sam peeked his head out from the bathroom to find his brother rooting around in his bag. Frowning, he dropped his toiletries bag in the sink and stormed out to confront Dean.

"What the Hell, Dean, why're you going through my stuff?" Sam yelled, pulling his holdall away from Dean, but his brother still had a grip on the insides. While the bag fell on the floor, Dean held a plush dog with a bow around his neck. Sam's jaw fell open as Dean thrust the teddy in Sam's face, a questioning look on his face. Angry, Sam slapped the dog from Dean's grip. "Just leave it."

Sam bent down to pick up his teddy, stroking it's soft fur. As he straightened, Sam dusted the teddy and hugged it quickly. Dean was watching him carefully, Sam could see out of the corner of his eye, and was clearly trying to formulate something to say.

"I'm not judging you, Sammy," Dean muttered, shrugging his jacket off. He perched on the edge of his bed - the one closest to the door, so if an intruder came in, Dean was there to protect Sam - and carefully kept an eye on his brother. The dog was tucked against Sam's neck and Sam seemed to be breathing in the scent of the teddy. 

After a few minutes, Sam had calmed down and he shuffled over to his own bed. He flopped down onto the bed, dust flying up from the sheets, and curled up. The dog teddy was pressed close to his chest, and it didn't look like Sam was going to let go any time soon. 

"Sammy, I'm not laughing at you. I'm just... curious," Dean said carefully. He heard his brother sigh and, for a long moment, Dean thought Sam wasn't going to talk to him. Then, Sam pushed himself up to sit against the headboard. The damn dog was still clutched between his fingers, but at least Sam was looking at Dean; he was worried he'd crossed a line. Dean figured it was alright to question his brother. "So, uh, where'd you get it?"

"Jess got it me-"

"Sam, you gotta stop clinging to every peace of Jess you've got left," Dean frowned, reaching for the teddy. "It ain't healthy, man, you gotta let it go." Sam sneered at him, pulling the dog well away from Dean's sticky fingers.

"It's not like that," he muttered, straightening out the red ribbon bow. "She got me it to help with my anxiety."

"Anxiety?" Dean asked. He thought back to the few weeks he and Sam had been on the road again. True, Sam hadn't exactly been stable, but Dean had put it down to losing Jess. Anxiety wasn't even something he'd considered. 

"Yeah, anxiety," Sam repeated, barely looking Dean in the eye. "I got diagnosed in sophomore year, my room mate, Brady, made me go get myself checked out. When Jess found out she got me Benji so if I had a panic attack and she wasn't there, I wouldn't freak out." 

"Wait, I visited you sophomore year," Dean frowned. "Why the Hell didn't you say anything!" 

"Tell my over protective brother that I'd have anxiety, had had it for years, and that it was probably caused by some traumatic event in my childhood," Sam snorted. "Yeah, right, brilliant idea."

"Sam, this isn't a joke!" Dean snapped. He was fuming that Sam hadn't told him. How was he supposed to help his brother if Sam couldn't confide in him? There was a tense moment where Dean frowned, breathing heavily as he grunted in frustration. In that moment, he realised that Sam's eyes were tearing up.

"You don't think I know that, Dean," Sam mumbled, burying his face in the dog. "Do you know how hard it is when doing something simple like ordering food can make you spiral into a panic attack? How embarrassing it is when you start crying in public." Dean didn't. Sam dried his tears on Benji; he felt bad for guilting Dean, but it was better for him to know in the long run.

Dean moved over from his bed to Sam's, sitting right beside his brother. The silence was uneasy, Dean not really knowing what to say and Sam reluctant to say any more. With a cough, Dean was the first one to break the stand off between them.

"Have you had a panic attack since we've been on the road?" He asks. Sam winces, he knows the answer - yes, more than once - but he doesn't want to tell Dean. He doesn't want Dean to feel like he's let Sam down.

"I've uh- I've had a few, yeah," Sam said. The grip on Benji tightened ever so slightly. "They weren't bad ones though, and I guess a lot of them were to do with Jess."

"And the others?" Dean pressed, because he had to know. Even if it hurt him to know Sammy was hurting, he had to know.

"Research going badly, made me feel stupid and useless, that triggered it badly," Sam explained. He could remember the worst, a small ghost hunt they'd stopped off at in Nowhere, Wyoming. Dean was out looking for info, while Sam was cooped up in the room, not helping anyone. "I got bad when that shifter had me tied up."

"Why did you never say anything, I could of helped!"

"No, you would have babied me, Dean, and I don't need that," Sam bit back. "Look, man, you're my brother and I love you, but you're too patronising." Dean grunted, seemingly frustrated with Sam's answer. He got why Dean was mad, but he needed Dean to understand why he hadn't told him.

"You have a panic attack, you come to me," Dean told him, commandingly. It made it hard for Sam to disobey, knowing how much it meant to Dean, but he wouldn't go to Dean if he could help it. His face must have shown the lie, because Dean gave him a pointed look. "Alright?" 

"Fine, yeah, I'll tell you when it gets bad," Sam moaned in a way only little brothers could. He flopped back on the bed, Benji pressed under his armpit. For how tall he was, how old he was, Sam felt very little in that moment. Dean knew - of course he fucking knew - how Sam felt. He settled into the bed beside his younger brother.

"I'm here for you, little brother," Dean said, eyes trained to the ceiling. He started to laugh to himself, a low rumble in the back of his throat. "Whether you like it or not." It was an unspoken rule; Dean would always look out for his little brother, Sam would try his hardest not to worry him. Even if it didn't always work out like planned, the brothers needed each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, God only knows how Dean will react when he finds out some of the panic attack comes from the dreams/premonitions. 
> 
> I may write a sequel to this some day, depends on how my anxiety is in the future
> 
> Thanks for reading, anyways, hope you have a lovely day!
> 
> Please, if you enjoyed this, leave a kudos or a comment!


End file.
